So, why have I been stressed and worried? It's too many things happening all at once. I am really looking forward to some things that are about to happen in my life but not looking forward to closing the door to some others. And there's this elephant in the room, my head which has also been bothering me lately. I wish I could talk about but I can't really. It is one of the minor disadvantages of writing an open blog. Not that anyone actually reads this. But still.........OK, may be I can say this: I have had a really close friend, best friend really. And now we are no longer best friends, or close friends. At least it seems that way from where I see it. And so it makes me very sad.
Back to what I was talking about. So, what is the best thing to look forward to? I'll be living with my husband!!! Another good thing: No more snow! Want another one? I'll be going back to school for MBA(although I haven't heard back from my dream school yet). Another one? I'll get to live in a nice city with lot of culture and lot of fun, exciting things to do. Without doubt there's a lot of great things to look forward to. But there's a lot I am leaving behind. I'll be leaving my job and the security that comes with it. I'll be leaving behind a country I have know almost all my adult life, I'll be leaving behind a lot of close friends - basically I'll be leaving behind all the alliances I have formed over the last 12 years to start fresh. Not knowing whether I'll be able to get the work permit for my internship or after graduation is also a source of some worries.
So it's scary and exciting and a lot of other emotions all jumbled up. One minute I am happy, another minute I am anxious and scared. Too many emotions and too many uncertainties. But, overall in the grand scheme of things, I know these worries are part of life. This unpredictably is life. It's what makes it worth living!
I am having some weight troubles..who doesn't in this day and age.. but I am having some real weight troubles and it's affecting me much too much.. OK, even in that I am not alone, but that doesn't mean I have lost the right to write about it.
I have gained about 10-15 pounds since October of last year. Most would be brides lose weight before the wedding, I might have the only bride who couldn't stop eating in the weeks leading upto the wedding. I did diet in the summer months and got to be my lowest weight ever. But then something happened and I was eating everything under the sun until the wedding day. That trend has unfortunately continued till about a week and a bit ago. Pancakes and french toast for breakfast several times a week, Mc.Donald's, Wendy's, KFC, Taco Bell - places I hadn't gone in years became my regular go to for food. I was way too busy with application preparation, work, long distance marriage that eating out and eating cheap was the only viable option. Sure, I could have taken time out to cook and eat healthy but I didn't. I just assumed that I will lose all the weight I was gaining once I start dieting. I had done this before, several times. I would occasionally, once a year or so, if I was going through a stressful phase, get to eat a little unhealthy, let myself splurge, but then would be able to recover once the guilt of gluttony got to me and I started punishing myself eating healthy again. Except Not.This.Time.
Agreed that I went a crazy for a little too long this time around - months as opposed to my usual weeks and I became a little excessive in my love for chocolate and cookies and desserts and all things fat and sugar. I was completely uninhibited in my love for food this time. But I still believed that once I started detoxifying myself, all would start to get better. Except, it's just not. It's been 12 days on my extremely strict diet full of vegetables, fruits, chicken, nuts, yogurt and skimmed milk. No fried food, no sugary food, no processed food. I am not going anorexic by not eating anything, I have never done that ever and can never do it even if I wanted to. I love food too much to give it up. Every single time in the past, eating healthy always got me on track, but it's not working this time for some reason. I am not expecting miracles, just some difference.The scale hasn't budged even 0.5 pounds!!
Have I just abused my body too much, and it's decided that it will stay the same no matter how hard I try? Is it retaliating against me now? Is the fat too fondly in love with my body that it just doesn't want to let go? I hope not as in a few short weeks, my in-laws are visiting us for the first time since the wedding and they'll be appalled to see what's happened to the beautiful, slim girl they had seen only a few months ago. (Ok, this last sentence sounded like I was boasting. I wasn't. Trust me. I was going for the dramatic factor here.)
Oh, God of weight loss: do something. Do. Something!
