One more time

So I find myself once again at the footsteps of blogging. I wrote my first post exactly 2 years ago when I was convinced that I couldn't blog but was drenching in so much pain, I needed an outlet for it. As I hit publish to that first post, I had no idea if my words would even reach one person, but with that first comment back I felt the minutest of a connect with a total stranger. It is unbelievable how strangers who have never met each other in real life, who come from different walks of life, who differ in everything imaginable: cultures, countries, nationalities, mother tongues, education, religion, age, become close friends and care deeply for one another.

Things took off from that first post and I started writing unabashedly. I was an anonymous blogger so it made it easy for me to write whatever my pretty little heart desired. It was a safe place for me to explore my deepest darkest thoughts as well shallow frivolous ones. And then a friend, close friend,  hacked into my account. I changed blogs but that security of anonymity and freedom was compromised. I could no longer write without giving too much thought about what others would think. I started getting paranoid that someone else may find my blog. I plowed through my fears, took refuge under password protection but nothing seemed to help much.

To add to it all, I received some harsh judgements from a well meaning blog friend on one of my posts. I think she jumped to conclusions too quickly. Even though the judgement was pronounced on my anonymous self, I still couldn't help but feel it was directed at me. I kept telling myself that this person does not know me, she pronounced judgement based on the words I wrote, which does not by any means summarize who I am as a person. My words gives a view into a tiny part of me. It does not show me in my entirety. Regardless, it was another blow to my already bruised blog-ego. If it was a random person leaving a nasty comment, I could brush it off without any issues, but this was a person who had become a friend. It didn't help that my personal life was in shambles at the same. I quit blogging shortly after that.

Which brings me to today.If you blog once and connect with even a few people, the lure back to it is undeniable.You feel a tug every now and then. So I am back and this time around, it is with no fear of being "found out". What will be written here will be 100% authentic me, my thoughts. What I will write about here remains to be seen.. So let the journey begin!!