in transition..

I am a woman standing on the brink of a major transition in life. Most of the time I look forward to this transition with a smile on my face and an eagerness: It can't come soon enough. Sometimes though, I find myself a little scared. I am about to be married in less than half a year and yesterday, for the first time I realized what people mean when they say marriage changes everything.. For the first time I truly felt scared of the change that's about to come. I can't am choosing not to delve into details of what brought upon this fear.  It won't change anything and it's not really the point of this post anyway.

I am a 31 year old woman who got engaged a couple of months ago after dating my boyfriend for a over a year. He's a very nice guy, very attentive to my needs, supportive of my goals and dreams, and one of the most compassionate person you will ever come across. He takes care of the people he loves with such a fervour, you would think that that's his one and only life mission. And his kindness and niceness isn't due to any underlying weakness - he's a strong, stubborn man and can very rarely be convinced to do anything that he feels inherently against. No, he cares for people because of an underlying niceness that is his genuine nature. I feel lucky to have him as my future life partner.

Our relationship isn't without problems - what relationship is, after all? If there aren't any problems, I believe that in it self is a big problem! We've had our share of ups and downs but after a little bit of tumbling and a few scrapes and cuts we are on the right track. We are happy with each other, we have no doubts that we want to marry each other and yet a part of me is scared about the future. What if things change after marriage? What if we drift apart? What if we stop loving each other? What if we start fighting a lot? What if we discover some inherent incompatibilities that will only reveal itself after marriage? What if money comes in between us? What if he strays? What if I stray? What if? What if? What if?

I could go on and on and on with these doubts. But the truth of the matter is that I am truly happy that I am engaged to be married. Before I met my fiance, I was single for such a long time, I had forgotten what it feels like to be in a relationship. When he came into my life, I had all but given up on ever finding love or ever being married. And it's not that I needed a man to take care of me but I wanted a man. I feel like life is so much better when you have someone to share this incredible journey with. So no matter how many doubts or fears come my way, I know I am truly lucky and blessed to be on this journey towards a wedding and marriage and that too with the best person I could hope for!